


feelings are fatal

by haileylikestowrite



Series: vent fics [1]
Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Angst, M/M, go check out checkmate, if you want to read something that i actually put effort into, im having problems with my friends, it's 2 am when i post this it isn't good, major vent fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-20
Updated: 2019-02-20
Packaged: 2019-11-01 04:46:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,256
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17860565
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/haileylikestowrite/pseuds/haileylikestowrite
Summary: Michael thinks about all the times he forgot his own feelings for Jeremy, then smokes a blunt at the end.





	feelings are fatal

**Author's Note:**

> I paint Jeremy in a bad light here, but that doesn't mean I feel this way about him. I love Jeremy, but Michael was the best way for me to express myself at the moment. I don't think this was any good, to be honest. It's legit 2 am and I'm crying so yeah. Sorry I didn't proof read either.

Michael Mell believed that he had been a good friend to Jeremy. Sure, they had their fights, but all best friends do that. It was often over trivial matters, never anything big. Other than those few tiny disagreements, the two boys had been inseparable. Michael listened to every rant, vent, and cry that came from Jeremy. He couldn’t count on two hands how many times he forgot his own feelings to comfort the boy he called his best friend. So, where did Michael go wrong? When was he no longer good enough?

Michael hated the idea of getting a SQUIP since the moment Jeremy brought it up to him. Not only because it sounded dangerous, but because it sounded like a hoax. A supercomputer that helps you be popular? It sounded like something that came from a shitty sci-fi movie. However, the more he thought about it, the sicker his stomach got. Why was Jeremy so caught on the idea of being cool? Even though Michael often thought about what it would be like to have a group of friends, he was content with just one super close friend. Why are friends with the popular kids when they were fake anyway?  
Still, Michael went with Jeremy to buy the tic-tac looking device. When he saw the sketchy man, Michael felt his stomach drop. Something wasn’t right; why was this man giving this technology out to high school students? Michael never says this to Jeremy, but he felt a wave of relief when his friend claimed that it was just a tic-tac and not a supercomputer. Hell, Michael felt relieved enough to go buy his vintage sodas. It hurt when Michael saw Jeremy talking to Brooke Lohst and Chloe Valentine in Forever 21. He waited outside the cheap store for about twenty minutes before deciding the wait wasn’t worth it, and that he looked ridiculous.

That next day, Michael felt guilty. He hadn’t heard from Jeremy since the mall, and he assumed that was because Michael had left him stranded. Yet, there was no reason to ignore him all day at school. That was a bit much, Michael thought. He tried many times to get Jeremy’s attention, to apologize for leaving him, but Jeremy was straight up acting like he was invisible. Michael shrugged it off until Jeremy had asked where he had been all day.  
“Seriously? So you haven’t been avoiding me all day?” Michael asked, his tone a bit more harsh than it usually was. He noticed Jeremy’s confused look as he stared blankly at Michael. It marked the Filipino. “Dude what is up with you?” he asked as he crossed his arms, ”You’ve been acting kind of sus since… Dude, it worked didn’t it?” Michael had aa pure shock in his voice. There was a wave of anxiety that crashed on him, but he pushed it away and covered it with excitement. “Jere, that is amazing! We need to test it out, or… We can get stoned in my basement as a celebration!”   
Michael watched as Jeremy’s face went blank as if he was trying to decide if Michael was worth the time. It stang, but he still smiled. He pretended as if he didn’t know his best friend of eleven years wasn’t contemplating hanging out with him. He wasn’t pretending, because that wasn’t happening, right? “Jeremy?” Michael asked when he saw Jeremy blink, “Are… are you coming?” He heard Jeremy mumble something he couldn’t quite understand before turning away from Michael as if he wasn’t there.

Michael pretends that it didn’t hurt him when he was near people, but when he was alone it was a different story. Michael cried and cried into his pillow. He asked himself what he did wrong, why he wasn’t good enough. In order for someone you were so close to leaving, you had to have done something wrong. People like that don’t just leave; no one throws away eleven years of friendship for no reason. Those nights he spent crying, he tried to find the moments where he fucked up.

Freshman year, Michael had gotten a +A on an English essay, which was crazy to him. Michael had never been good at English; he didn’t understand how grammar worked and why sentences need so many but couldn’t have too many commas. So when he got an amazing grade on that research essay, he was ecstatic. Of course, the first person he went to was Jeremy. He talked about it for a few minutes at lunch before asking Jeremy what he got. Jeremy basically snapped at him, saying that he needed to stop rubbing his good grades in his face. On that particular essay, Jeremy had barely made a +C; it hurt Jeremy’s ego because he had always been the English one between the two. Michael felt guilty, deciding to never talk about his grades to Jeremy unless asked first. 

Sophomore year, at the end of the year, Michael had been accepted to take AP Physics his junior year. Michael, believe it or not, was amazing at math and science. He had wanted to take AP Physic since he was a freshman. There had never been a time when Michael had been more excited for a class. Jeremy, on the other hand, wanted into the AP Language and Composition Class (because Christine was going to be in it). Realistically, Jeremy could’ve been in that class, but his counselor expressed that it would be hard for him since he didn’t take the honors English 10 class. Jeremy took it pretty personally, though. When they got to his house that evening, Michae didn’t dare to mention that he got AP Physics as a class.

Three weeks before their junior year began, Jeremy’s mother walked out. For those three weeks, Michael dropped every single thing he had to do to comfort Jeremy because that’s what best friends do. Every day, Michael came over with some type of food or video game to distract Jeremy. He also let Jeremy stay at his house a lot those few weeks, trying to comfort him the absolute best he could. By doing that, Michael had to stay up late hours in order to finish the summer assignment he got for AP Physics. When Jeremy would finally fall asleep on Michael’s bed, the Filipino would sit on his floor typing up a lab report proving momentum, even though he had never actually done the lab. Those nights, Michael didn’t go to bed until the sun was starting to rise outside. 

Now, Michael sat in the bathroom of Jake Dillinger, crying his eyes out. He was trying to figure out where he went wrong. Where did he go wrong? Michael Mell gave a lot of things up for Jeremy Heere. His pride, his happiness, his self-importance, all of it was tossed aside because of Jeremy. So why did Jeremy not need him anymore? Why wasn’t the eleven years worth of friendship not good enough? Michael wondered why he shut his mouth all those years, or why he cared so much. There is no need to care about someone who obviously never care about you. 

After wiping his tears away, Michael walked out of the house and into his PT cruiser and drove home. At home, the boy lit himself a joint and took a hit from it before whispering words that used to be a joke. The four words that came out of his mouth with spite used to come out with laughter. 

 

“Fuck you, Jeremy Heere.”

**Author's Note:**

> I'm having issues with my friends right now. Junior year sucks, and I projected myself onto Michael was too much.


End file.
